The vast majority of us have been in situations where things got so tense and uncomfortable that we just wanted to hide away, never to return to the place that brought about such discomfort. Speaking for myself, there were plenty of times I said or did something inappropriate that, in the moment, seemed reasonable, but immediately afterward, I realized I was embarrassing myself. I can laugh at it now, but back then, I just wanted to crawl into a hole.
Then there were times when I could actually feel the tension in the room because of a comment or a heated exchange. Or worse yet, when the room is just silent though there are people all around, and it’s so tense you can cut the air with a butter knife. Yeah, those are pretty difficult to experience. I guess there are two ways to look at things when a situation is made awkward.
The first school of thought is to sweep it under the rug. Some things, I guess, are better left unsaid. Come to think of it, the old saying goes, “If you don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.”… We can all thank our failure to communicate and wounded inner child for that one. The second school of thought, and the one I most agree with, is “communication is key”. But in the spirit of transparency, I’ll say for me it’s a combination of both.
Here’s the thing: although I do believe you have to pick your battles, when enough is enough, things have to be said. Let’s look at the figurative elephant in the room. All that tension and unspoken hostility will just keep feeding it, and eventually, if you don’t address what the problem is, you won’t be able to see past the elephant. I couldn’t imagine much worse things than being stuck in a relationship with someone you can’t stand because the resentment has taken over…and I mean any relationship, whether it be familial, professional, a friendship, etc. All because there is underlying hurt and no one wants to address it.
To be fair, I guess sometimes things seem so hopeless in a situation that there are no words to be spoken at all. Then it becomes about hearing the silence, which speaks volumes. Sometimes, it’s best to hear the words that aren’t being spoken to get an answer to a problem. Depending on who you’re with, what’s communicated will be either received or dismissed. Whether another party accepts or denies what I’m communicating isn’t my problem. Of course, I hope it’s accepted so that what’s communicated back to me can perhaps lead to a resolution, but that’s not my responsibility. Communicating and being an active listener is all I’m in charge of…Whether or not the other person involved wants to take part in that is not in my control. I have decided that when it comes to me, to no longer have any more elephants hanging around in my relationships. Elephants are cute in the wild, but not in my living room.