I don’t know what I want to write about tonight. I’m trying to find inspiration or something that triggers my creative spark, and I’m struggling to find anything that does the job. I’m sure by the time this post is finished, I will have come up with something to talk about; it’s just that now in the moment, I’m drawing a blank. This is why I want to find inspiration in life, and one way to do that is to try new things.
I think about when I was younger, and I had so much passion for life. It seemed like every opportunity that came my way, I was excited for. Now, thinking about trying most new things exhausts me before I even attempt them. For example, I had an opportunity to go on a speed-dating hike over the weekend, and I didn’t go. I came up with the excuse that I didn’t have any workout clothes, but to be honest, I just don’t want to put myself out there, which is a personal betrayal.
It’s a betrayal of myself because part of the concept of blogging and writing, for me, is to have experiences to write about. If I never try anything new eventually, I’ll end up writing in circles, and that can get old real quick. I told myself early on that I would try to get out of my own way and try different things, so not going this past weekend, I wonder what I missed out on. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not beating myself up too badly. There will be other opportunities I can take part in; I just have to remember the reason(s) I want to do them. In other words, there has to be a purpose behind my actions.
All that being said, deep down I feel like every day it’s a new dawn…literally and figuratively. Each day, anything can happen, whether good or bad, that can completely change the course of one’s life. For me, that’s another reason I want to try new things. As I mentioned in a previous post, I felt stuck for a long time, and I finally feel like I’m becoming unstuck…so the question I have for myself is “What am I going to do about it?” To me, life is a blessing, especially since I feel movement again. I don’t want that to go to waste. I want to have a fun and meaningful life for myself and the people in my life, and part of that is trying new things.
In hindsight, when I do get out of my own way, I am excited about life. I like looking at the big picture and the what-ifs, and that always gets me going. As much as I disappoint myself in life, I also allow myself to be human. So I missed an opportunity to have an experience. It wasn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last time. Heck, something new for me can simply be wearing my hair down for a day. It may be subtle, but it’s something I don’t do often. As long as I have life, I can have desire, and as long as I have desire, there’s room to grow.