I guess in retrospect, I’ve worn masks before to conceal who I really am. The earliest I remember wearing a mask was in elementary school. I was really nervous about being introduced to a new class halfway through my fourth-grade year, so I put on the ol’ innocent lost-child act when the teacher introduced me to my new classmates. (I’ve always been quiet…even back then, but I’m not really shy, it’s funny how people confuse the two… nor was I that innocent, but let’s stay focused!) I’ve also worn a mask around one particular guy I had a major crush on. The relationship would have been totally inappropriate to pursue, so I acted as if I hated him instead of showing him how I really felt.
I used to think people who wore masks weren’t to be trusted because they were hiding who they really were, but I guess it really depends on the situation. For example, there was a woman in an abusive relationship, and her boyfriend was holding her captive. When they went out to a business, the woman handed the staff a note asking for help, but asked them not to let her boyfriend know. Thankfully, the authorities were notified, and her boyfriend was arrested. In that scenario, the woman had to wear a mask around her boyfriend to stay safe. My point is, wearing a mask is sometimes okay and warranted.
Then there are other times when masks are totally inappropriate, say like in intimate relationships that are supposed to be healthy and happy overall. I may be a little naive, but this is what I truly believe. How can someone truly love you or get to know who you really are when you’re wearing a mask all the time? I’m sure there are times within the relationship, it’s okay to hide behind a mask, let’s say, to spare your partner’s feelings from getting hurt unnecessarily, but I like to think it’s better to be honest than wear a mask. (This is probably one of the reasons I’m still single but moving on…).
Here’s the thing: when it comes to safe and healthy relationships, are masks really necessary? There comes a time in every relationship where there’s a decision to be made to drop the mask and be your authentic self. How else is anyone really going to get to know you and accept you for who you are? Belonging is important. When it comes to friendships, familial relationships, and romantic partnerships, the whole point is having a place or someone to belong to. If someone is always hiding who they are, then how do you know if you truly belong in that relationship?
A very important lesson I learned about people wearing masks in a relationship is that eventually, the mask will slip, and one’s true self will be exposed. If you stay in a relationship long enough, it can be quite a shocker when someone’s mask slips for the first time. People wear masks for all different sorts of reasons. Maybe they are putting on an act to see what they can get from the relationship. Maybe they feel like they’re not good enough for the relationship. Maybe they just don’t want to be alone. Whatever the reason, their true self will come to light sooner or later.
For me, outside of still being quiet sometimes, I don’t think I really wear masks anymore. I just show layers of myself to others. Being authentic is important to me, so if I can’t be authentic in a relationship, then what’s the point of being in that relationship? I’m still getting to know myself, and I have yet to discover all my attributes, but that’s no excuse to not be me.