I wonder if most people wonder about their relationship with change? I know I didn’t really think about it until I started writing this post. Change can be hard for everyone. Transitioning into something new or unfamiliar can be off-putting. In my case, change is welcome in most cases. I think things have been stagnant in my life for far too long, but there are other areas I feel very content with for the time being, and there are those I’m finally starting to feel are flowing again.
Being stuck is a state of pure misery to me, and I was stuck for a long time. It felt like I was just standing still while time went by. I felt like there was no growth, no development, nothing. Needless to say, my mental health took a hit…my favorite catchphrase became “What’s the point?” A part of me knows it’s about perspective, but during the stagnancy stage, it didn’t feel that way.
I guess I started to feel uncomfortable when I felt like things weren’t moving forward for me. At first, it was expected because things take time, but after a while, when there was no foreseeable change happening, I started to panic. Then came the stage when I just felt uncomfortable being in my own skin. Seriously, I was miserable. I was desperately seeking change in my life. The good news is, slowly but surely, change started to happen. It wasn’t sudden like BOOM! IN MY FACE, it was more gradual.
Due to the mental toll of being stuck for too long, I sought out professional help, and it worked for me. Maybe the professional help didn’t really change the circumstances of my life, but it did help me realize that I wasn’t alone in my search for something different for myself, and it also helped me challenge my perspective on things. Besides professional help, my friends were also a big comfort during my stagnant phase. Talking to them helped ground me, and it even helped me learn that at times they feel stuck too, and that’s just a part of living. Most importantly, my faith got me through some of the slow times in my life.
Here’s the thing about change: You have to be careful what you ask for and how you ask for things. I could want a change in my life and get it, but if I’m not specific, the very areas of my life that I’m currently happy with can be the very areas in my life that change. When I was seeking change, I always said “I want things to change for the better for me”. It took me going through some harsh experiences to realize that change doesn’t always necessarily mean good change.
As I reflect on my relationship with change, I have learned that it also requires balance. In other words, I have to pick my battles. There are times that I must do things to actively change things if I want my circumstances to improve, and then there are times when I have to go with the flow and not force change. My problem was that I went with the flow for too long, and before I knew it, I was lost in the ocean with no direction as to how to get back to shore. It’s about balance and maybe a little bit of gratitude, because no matter how much I may desire change, I am always aware that things could be worse.